Striking a Balance

Hey fellow drummers!

Engaging in a hobby or profession with significant demands on your time as well as the potential for anti-social or unpredictable hours can put a strain on our relationships with those around us.

This week, I discuss some of the factors and issues as well as some strategies we can use to make everyone’s lives better!

I’ve also added some gear videos demo’ing products from Remo, Sonor and Zildjian 👌 

First though, this week’s top 5!

Playing drums - or any musical instrument - can have an impact on those around us, which can lead to many dilemmas or areas for potential conflict.

What are some of these factors, and how can we deal with them?

Drumming, like any musical endeavour, demands a significant amount of time. This involves not only the hours spent at gigs but also the time devoted to rehearsals, personal practice, and even the logistical aspects such as transporting drum kits. This can mean long hours away from home, which may not always sit well with a partner, especially if they don't share the same passion. It's not uncommon for partners to feel like they're competing with the drums for attention. When significant events or priorities clash, it can lead to feelings of being undervalued or overlooked.

A substantial percentage of gigs occur over the weekend. For many, weekends are a sacred time reserved for family activities, relaxation, or simply spending quality time with loved ones. A drummer's consistent absence during these precious moments can lead to feelings of neglect or resentment. Gigs often also come with social commitments. The after-gig hangouts, networking events, or even band meetings can take up additional time, further reducing the moments a drummer can spend with their spouse or partner.

Birthdays, anniversaries, or even simple date nights can sometimes be compromised due to gig schedules. Over time, missing out on these can cause problems.

The lifestyle that comes with playing in bands – late nights, exposure to alcohol or other substances, and a dynamic social circle – might not always align with a partner's lifestyle or comfort zone.

Especially for those who pursue drumming as a side career or hobby, the income from gigs might not always be substantial. When combined with the costs associated with equipment, maintenance, and transport, it might strain the household budget, leading to financial disagreements.

When a drummer returns home elated after a successful gig or practice session, their partner might be winding down from a tiring day. These differing energy levels can lead to disconnects and late night disruptions can impact on the following day for everyone.

For professionals, being on the road, even if infrequently, can lead to trust issues. The environment of gigs, surrounded by fans or being in close quarters with band members, might create insecurities.

Drums aren't the most discreet of instruments. The noise from practice sessions can disrupt a household, potentially causing tension. Even with the plethora of “noise reduction” products on the market - e-kits, cymbal covers etc. - the nature of the instrument - striking an inanimate object with a stick - means that there is always some degree of noise.

Additionally, drum kits require space, and designating an area in a shared home can be a source of contention.

The life of a musician, even a semi-pro, can be fraught with uncertainties, rejections, and criticisms. This emotional rollercoaster can spill over into personal life, impacting the overall emotional climate of a relationship.

If a partner is not musically inclined or doesn't comprehend the passion and commitment drumming requires, it can lead to misunderstandings. They might view it as "just a hobby" rather than a genuine passion or potential career path. Family or friends might not always see drumming as a "real job" or a "worthwhile pursuit." This external pressure can sometimes influence a partner's perception of the drummer's priorities.

Due to varying schedules and commitments, there might be instances where communication between the drummer and their partner dwindles, leading to feelings of detachment.

As with any relationship, dynamics evolve. What was once considered charming – like late-night jam sessions – might become a point of contention as priorities shift, perhaps due to family expansion, lifestyle or career changes within the family.

Navigating all of the above can be incredibly tricky.

What can we do?

We’ve chosen to invest our time and effort into the instrument, so it’s good to outline a set of strategies to try to ensure that everyone can be happy.

1. Open Communication: Initiate conversations about your drumming schedule, goals, and commitments. By keeping your partner informed and involved in your plans, you reduce the likelihood of misunderstandings and foster a sense of inclusion.

2. Set Boundaries: Designate certain days or times as "family or partner time" where you won't schedule gigs or practices. This ensures that you allocate quality time to your relationship.

3. Involve Your Partner: If they're willing, involve your partner in your drumming world. This doesn't necessarily mean they have to attend every gig, but perhaps they can help with some things or simply come to major performances. Being part of the journey can foster appreciation and understanding.

4. Create a Practice Space: If possible, soundproof your practice room or consider electronic drum kits with headphones for home practices. This ensures that your practice doesn't disrupt your household's peace.

5. Financial Transparency: Discuss the financial aspects of your drumming. Whether it's about investing in new equipment or earnings from a gig, being transparent can prevent potential financial disagreements.

6. Schedule Regular Check-ins: Regularly assess how both of you feel about the current balance between drumming and personal life. Address any concerns before they become major issues.

7. Prioritize Important Dates: Ensure you're present for significant events in your partner's life. While some gig opportunities might be too good to pass up, being there for milestones can show your partner they're a priority.

8. Compromise: There might be times when you need to compromise, be it rescheduling a practice session or turning down a gig. While drumming is essential, ensuring your partner feels valued is equally crucial.

9. Show Appreciation: Small gestures can go a long way. Whether it's a thank-you note for their patience during a busy gig week or simply acknowledging their support, it can make a difference.

10. Encourage Their Passions: Just as you have a passion for drumming, your partner might have hobbies or interests. Support and encourage them in their pursuits, ensuring a mutual appreciation for each other's passions. Ensure that time is fairly allocated to both.

11. Educate About the Drumming World: Sometimes, conflicts arise from misconceptions. By educating your partner about the effort, dedication, and passion that goes into drumming, you can foster empathy.

12. Plan Together: If a tour or series of gigs is coming up, plan in advance. This way, both of you can adjust schedules and make arrangements accordingly.

13. Quality Over Quantity: It's not always about the amount of time spent together but the quality. Ensure that the moments you spend with your partner are meaningful and free from distractions.

14. Celebrate Together: Share your achievements, whether it's a successful gig or a positive review. Celebrating together can solidify the bond and remind both of you of the reason behind the sacrifices.

In essence, it's about ensuring that both the drummer and the partner feel valued and understood in the relationship. Mutual respect, combined with proactive measures, can lead to a harmonious relationship where both personal passions and the partnership flourish.

Remo are now producing a direct competitor to the other pre-muffled bass drum heads that are on the market (the obvious one being the popular Evans EMAD), using a technology which they are calling “Sub Muff’L Technology” (SMT) 🤨 

With some wags already referring to these new heads as “RMADs” (which doesn’t quite work 🙄 ), essentially these are their Emperor and Ambassador heads available as clear or coated with added “SMT”.

I was hoping to get my hands on one of these heads to give them a try, but they’re a bit tricky to come by in the UK right now.

Obviously they sound great on the promo video, but it will maybe be a little while before we get honest opinions about how they perform in various situations.

“Kind of” a gear video, but I also enjoyed the playing of Vladislav Zidarov showcasing his beautiful Sonor Delite kit.

Zildjian have released a video of Lina Anderberg’s playing in order to showcase their new line of K Paper Thin crashes.

Again, though the cymbals sound great on the recording, I’d love to hear them in real life. Since most purchasing is done on the internet these days, and local music stores keep limited stock, that may be difficult, but I’ll keep my eyes peeled 👀 

Ever wondered how payments work in the music industry? Justin Hawkins from The Darkness discusses the financial side of making music.

Everyone loves Lars, right?!?!? Drum History Podcast released part 2 of their look at Lars’ gear over the years. (Part 1 can be found here).